The United Pants Defense Force
EVERY PERSON DESERVES A GOOD PAIR OF JEANS.
When the first saucers appeared, the world panicked. When the first pants disappeared, the world got organized. The UPDF was formed to stop alien Collectors from stripping Earth of dignity, denim, and elastic waistbands.
Not the biggest army. Not the most organized army. Definitely not the cleanest army. But they are the only thing standing between humanity and a pantsless future.
“This ends today. Not Our Pants, Alien Swine!”
UPDF Motto
The Roster
Six members. One mission.
Pick Your Role
Which Defender should you play?
Want to hold the line?
Play Security Officer →
Want to build the line?
Play Tailor Engineer →
Want to keep the line alive?
Play Dr. Peepers →
Want to sprint past the line and rescue someone screaming?
Play Athlete →
Want to watch the line from a rooftop and judge everyone's positioning?
Play Needle Eye →
Want to panic responsibly while someone heroically saves you?
Play Citizen →
UPDF Field Manual
The five official rules of pants defense.
- 1.Citizens are safer indoors.
- 2.Aliens hate organized Defenders.
- 3.Motherships are easier to hit when they get cocky.
- 4.Never trust an orange minion near laundry.
- 5.If all else fails, shout “Not our pants!” and keep firing.
- Not our pants. Not today.
- Enough is enough, Alien Swine!
- No pants left behind.
- The waistband war ends here.
- Standing between Earth and galactic indecency.
Because someone has to tell the aliens no.
Benefits include official badge access, questionable equipment, hazard pay, opportunities for heroism, frequent yelling, and pants retention.